The pregnancy

‘We were under high-risk care because we were IVF’

Realising something was wrong

‘It’s not going to work out, basically’

Being told your baby has died

‘I just wonder if I already knew’

The time before giving birth

‘No one tells you what you need for a dead baby’

The birth

‘We both knew straight away we loved him’

Spending time with your baby

‘It should just be the three of us’

Being back at home

‘I had to face everything, pack everything away’

Deciding about a postmortem

‘We needed to make sense of it’

The funeral

‘I’d never actually gone to a funeral’

Relating to family and friends

‘It started bringing things up for everyone ’


‘Me and Shazia have always worked as a team’

Remembering your baby

‘If we pushed it under the carpet it wouldn’t be so real (to us)’

Pregnancy after loss

‘We wanted to replace her’

Insights and advice

‘Nothing was ever done to help us‘

First experiences

‘We all cried in the room’

Facilities available to families

‘We cut a little locket of their hair’

Clinical care

‘We need to listen to women more’


‘The training that we get is not particularly helpful’

Talking to and supporting families

‘In a room with a woman in labour you can run out of things to say’

Support for clinicians

‘Reflection is very helpful’

Partners and extended family

‘We're there for the whole family’

Post-mortems/further investigations

‘We are happy with whatever level of investigation a parent wants’

Showing emotion

‘You have to compartmentalise’

Insights and advice

‘I learn from every patient’

Subsequent pregnancies

‘Studies are based on averages and people are not averages’

Attitudes towards stillbirth

‘It’s a bit like a dirty secret people don’t want to acknowledge’