The pregnancy

‘We were under high-risk care because we were IVF’

Realising something was wrong

‘She goes: ‘Oh, where’s the heartbeat?’

Being told your baby has died

‘I just wonder if I already knew’

The time before giving birth

‘I felt like I didn't want to touch my bump’

The birth

‘It was very quick and blurred because of the pain’

Spending time with your baby

‘I wish that we had taken the camera’

Being back at home

‘I’m sorry that I couldn't bring our son home’

Deciding about a postmortem

‘We needed to make sense of it’

The funeral

‘It was hard making all these decisions’

Relating to family and friends

‘I just physically couldn’t even speak to get the words out to tell people’


‘I was questioning myself… am I a good dad?’

Remembering your baby

‘She would be going to school at this age’

Pregnancy after loss

‘I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy at all’

Insights and advice

‘I took to my Instagram account to start sharing things’

First experiences

‘We all cried in the room’

Facilities available to families

‘It’s very important to get the level of memory making right for parents’

Clinical care

‘Clinically the tasks can be done with no emotion’


‘I can remember being taught almost nothing about stillbirth’

Talking to and supporting families

‘If I say the wrong thing that could be the thing you hold on to’

Support for clinicians

‘The support is very informal’

Partners and extended family

‘Men are not given space to grieve’

Post-mortems/further investigations

‘Sometimes women go I don’t want him touched’

Showing emotion

‘Over time it will become easier to cope with emotionally’

Insights and advice

‘It's an important step in the grief process’

Subsequent pregnancies

‘The next pregnancy is fraught with worries and risks and concerns’

Attitudes towards stillbirth

‘You couldn’t do the job if you didn’t care’